Got swept away

I really need to get better at this blogging deal lol. I guess I sort of just get swept up in daily life and the easier things like getting lost in facebook and my beloved MSSN (for those of you who don't know what MSSN is, it is a military spouse support site that I have been a member of for nearly three years now... it has been my saving grace thru a lot of deployments and other trials I have dealt with since being wife to a Navy man) anyhow, a lot has happened since I last posted. A lot of friends have had babies, a lot of friends have found out they were pregnant, a few friends have lost babies (which just shreds my heart to pieces), Makenna has continues to do amazingly in school, Michi continues to floor me with her intelligence despite not having any experience with formal schooling, and my little man arrived.

I am not entirely sure when I last wrote, or what I wrote about, but I know it was something that may have seemed important to me at the time lol (i sure hope it was something important) But in the past month or so I have really had time to reflect on how truly blessed I am. I have a wonderful husband who loves and supports me, he is there for me through all of my emotional ups and downs, he is there for me when I need him to be the strong one. He is my best friend and I am truly thankful to have him in my life. I have two beautiful little girls who I am so proud of... I am still amazed that I am their mother haha. and now I have been graced with this beautiful little boy who has just stolen my heart... Just when I thought I couldn't possibly have any more love to give, another lil one comes into my life and just proves that love grows and grows and grows.

I truly realized what an amazing man I had married when I gave birth to our son. The entire pregnancy should have brought that to my attention... heck the last six years we have been together should have haha... but it all came to a head when I was in labor this time. This entire pregnancy, I had it in my head that I wanted to go the all natural route. I didn't want to have to sit there and wait for feeling to return to my body before I could get up and clean myself up. I didn't want to HAVE to rely on someone to help me to the toilet or the shower or to get the baby out of the bassinet. I am very independent by nature so getting "waited" on makes me uncomfortable lol

The morning my water broke was insane. I was two days from my due date and we had been at the hospital til nearly 2 am that nite because Jonathan finally listened to me and went in to get his foot checked out. He was in such pain, he was complaining constantly, and if you know my husband, you know he is not a complainer. So indeed, he is injured and ultimately ends up on crutches and in an air cast. But back to the story at hand. We finally get to bed around 3 am only to turn around and wake up at 4:45 when his alarm went off to wake him for work. I got up to help him and to make sure he had everything he needed to take with him (paperwork from the hospital, lunch, etc) and I send him off with the usual "love you, drive safe" and a kiss. Shortly after he left, I hit the bathroom to tinkle and then I stand in the doorway to the bathroom contemplating... food... or more sleep... sleep won. lol I waddle back to bed and just as I am adjusting my nest of pillows, I felt lil man give a big kick and then a gush.... holy wow, that was strange! I have never had my water break like that... with Kenna it broke while she was crowing... with Michi, they broke my water for me. So I laid there for a split second thinking "what the heck am I supposed to do???" I nearly panicked. I called Jonathan, by this time he was just pullin up to base and I told him since he was already there to go ahead and turn in his papers for his foot and let his chief know what was going on at home, then I called the neighbor. She freaked. lmao she insisted she had to get me to the hospital asap so I called Jon back and told him to just meet us there. I get to the hospital, my friend sees me to l&d and then heads back to the house to take care of the girls for me (yet another amazing person I am blessed to have in my life) I am sitting in l&d triage, the nurse comes in, hooks me up, the doc comes in, checks me... indeed, water is ruptured. and then I hear crutches in the hall. My hubs comes hobbling in, still in his bdu's and looking exhausted. He asks if I ate anything and I tell him I haven't so he proceeds to sneak me bits of his pop tarts (lol at this point I am no longer allowed to eat which I think is just ridiculous, but whatever) They move me to my room and by then I had already dilated to 6cm and things were moving right along. I made my requests for an unmedicated birth and made sure they knew I wanted to avoid pitocin if at all possible. I sign all the papers I need to sign and I had an awesome nurse who advised us that it would be wise for jon to go home asap and get whatever we needed since we obviously left the house in a hurry lol and off went Jon to grab the camera, a change of clothes for himself, the car seat and some snacks for himself.

He gets back (ultimately forgetting the camera rofl) and I am talking and laughing thru contractions. (this labor was extremely easy compared to the girls) shortly thereafter they check me again and I am 8 and it had only been 10 hrs since my water broke, but the doctor in charge (wherever he was cause he never once came into my room) didn't like the look of my contractions and wanted them to be more "regular" **rolls eyes** so he insists on starting pitocin and i just roll with it. They start me on a very low dose and immediately it kicks things up more than just a notch. I was still able to grit my teeth and breathe through the pain, though and Jonathan was there holding my hand and getting me wet washcloths for my head and neck. At some point of of the nurses or doctors that came in and out upped my pitocin again and holy wow the contractions were coming back to back. I seriously didn't even have time to catch my breath in between anymore. At this point I am in tears, whimpering to Jonathan that they were trying to break me, that they were trying to KILL me and that I changed my mind, I wanted the epidural lol he just looked at me and said, "baby, you can do this... you CAN... you have come this far, don't let them break you" so for the next half an hour or so he sits there grinding his fist into my back with every contraction as I cry for him to just punch me in the back to help relieve the pain. The nurse comes in to check on me and I tell her I am feeling an immense amount of pressure but I wasn't sure if it was from all my muscles tensing up with the constant contractions or if it was the actual pressure of the baby coming down, so she checks me and I am ready to go. Baby was doing fantastic... Mommy, not so much... I was breaking down. The pain was enormous. Thank heavens it only took three sets of three pushes... fifteen minutes and he was out. It was intense, but my wonderful hubby, love of my life, was there urging me, pushing me through, telling me I could do it. He stayed strong and pushed me, when I couldn't be strong anymore. He got me through an unmedicated labor with a 9lb 13oz baby. He is truly my strength when I don't have any more will. I only had a few small labial tears that got stitched up as I was suckin up oxygen from the oxygen mask. Jonathan was crying tears of I don't know... love, joy, pride. He seemed to be glued to my side even though I kept urging him to stay with the baby because I was fine <3 I love that man with all my being.

So after that, things were pretty mellow, we were kept in the hospital for 48 hours just to make sure everything was ok with me and the boy. He had a bit of a heart murmur in the beginning but it cleared up on it's own. They didn't want to make us come all the way back to the hospital for his two day old check up, so that is another reason they kept us. When we finally went to left, I ended up pushing jonathan in a wheelchair as he held the baby, poor guy was still on a bum foot after all and I was feeling great lol.

We get home and the girls are absolutely smitten. I was afraid of how they would be, especially Michi since she was the baby... but they are both wonderful with him. Makenna totes him around the house when he freaks out and doesn't want to chill in his swing (if mommy holds him he tends to think it is feeding time even when its not lol) and michi helps with diaper and wardrobe changes <3 and then amidst my awe for this beautiful little miracle, I am in awe of my girls.... how grown up they suddenly seem. Makenna has been turning to quite the lil lady for a while now... but it seems like Michi went from baby to big girl overnite. My heart just wants to explode with the overflowing love I have for my family... I just can't believe how much God has blessed me with... what have I done to deserve this wonderful life of mine???