Sad but inevitable endings, and semi-bright, all too quickly approaching beginnings

The end of our first tour as a Navy family is fast approaching.... and to that i say, NO!!! NOT YET! I have no idea why, but I am as reluctant to leave Japan, as I once was to come here :(

I must admit I was filled with fear, anxiety and uncertainty when I first left my home state of California on a huge 777 bound for Tokyo, Japan. Do you blame me? I had never left the state for more than a week, and NEVER to another country. Cali was basically all I had ever known, minus what I had seen on television (and let me just say that tv just DOES NOT do Japan any justice) But however intimidated I was by what the future held for me and my young family, I was more than over the top excited to know that my beloved would be waiting there at the airport when the children and I arrived. The flight was gonna be a long one. Thank heavens Michiko was two months old and in love with sweet blissful sleep. Makenna, well... she was four, impatient and excited to see her daddy. It was all I could do to keep her in her seat. Bless the person who came up with the idea for in flight entertainment in the form of a small tv screen mounted in the headrest of the seat in front of each passenger that we could control with a click of our lil remote... gloriously playing an ever looping array of cartoon network programs. She finally nodded off and with as sleepy as I was, there was not much chance for me to even close my eyes, let alone catch a nap. Between fears much like that Jodie Foster movie where her child disappears on the plane and not a soul has seen or remembers seeing her **jaw drops** to the thoughts racing thru my mind about life in Japan, it was nearly impossible to quiet the shouts in my brain long enough to do anything other than let them overwhelm me.

Much to my surprise the flight did not last nearly as long as I thought it would (it's amazing how quickly a 12 hour flight ends) I remember waking kenna up, being unbelievably apologetic that not only had she spilled her glass of sprite in her seat, but she had also tinkled in her sleep ((shoot me now)) and yet the flight attendants had been understanding and so unbelievably kind and helpful. They helped me gather up my five carry on bags (diaper bag, kenna's backpack full of goodies, my backpack with my snax for the bottomless pit known as kenna, my canvas tote with every important document you could imagine, and the mesh bag full of baby toys, teething rings, etc) my children, one of whom was still fast asleep surfing thru dream land in her carrier, and the sleepy four year old who had woken up in a foul mood and what whinning all the way about her wet skirt **sigh** they helped me as far as they could and helped me retrieve my stroller from last minute baggage call and then I piled what I could into that :) then I hit the baggage claim...

OH.MY.GOODNESS. how in the world had I managed two huge duffle bags, two huge suitcases and two medium ones thru the airport in Los Angeles. Oh, that's right, family had helped me. Here I was in Tokyo, I was all alone, except for my two month old and my four year old, and she was helping as much as she could with the stroller full of empty baby carrier (I had moved the baby to my sling) and the five carry on as I pushed two extremely heavy baggage carts all on my own to customs. There a kind soul helped me to fill out my paper work and pushed my extremely overpiled carts to the other side.... and again... I was on my own... grrr.... after much work getting it all up a ramp that never seemed to end, I could see a opening and on the other side, tons of anxious family members waiting with anticipation for their loved ones... and they were ALLLLLLL Japanese. I didn't see Jonathan anywhere. My heart sank, had he forgotten? had ne not been able to make it? how was I going to get home.... where WAS home???!!! I was in such panic mode and my already exhausted brain was whirring outta control to the point that i thought my brain might literally explode... and then I caught sight of him. He looked beautiful... like a greek god illuminated by a light that seemed to shine from the heavens. As our eyes met and I burst into tears, some kind Japanese airport attendant had grabbed my other baggage cart and helped me wheel to my hubby. Our flight had arrived late so I didn't even get to relish in the embrace of my love before we were rushing off to catch the bus.

As the bus drove us to Yokosuka, I drifted in and out of sleep, I watched the sites as we passed, I stared at Jonathan as we chatted wanting to breath in every part of him. We finally got to the base and I was ready for a shower and a bed... it seemed like every possible obstacle hit us on the way but we had finally gotten to our room with all of our belongings and I got seven blissful days with my sweetpea before he and his ship left me and our children all alone to get situated in a new apartment on a new base in a new country. Those first few months had been hell... straight up hell.... our pay was messed up, michi was in a horribly terrifying accident, my husband was gone and couldn't even put his arms around me and tell me it was gonna be ok... and somehow I made it thru.

The next three years to follow were full of happiness, sadness, excitement, awe, a touch of anger and frustration here and there. So much love it is crazy.... good friends... and not so good friends. I have been on such an emotional roller coaster since the second I stepped foot off of that plane, and it seems to endear this country to my heart that much more. They say if your marriage, you and your spouse can make it thru a tour in Japan, you can make it thru anything. I am beginning to see why they say that and I whole heartedly agree. I have gone thru days where I have wanted nothing more than to jump on a plane and head home, there have been days I have cried while I hoped, begged... prayed that my husband would miraculously walk thru the door even though the ship was in the middle of the ocean and I knew better. There were days where I have just gulped in the sweetness and the awesomeness that is Japan... and I have fallen in love with the country, the people, the customs... the launguage... my heritage. And now it is like a second home to me, and I don't want to leave home again **cry** I have seen so much and yet there is still so much left to be seen. I am positive that someday we will once again get the opportunity to call Japan "home" and I can't wait!!!!

I am very much trying to stay positive about what lies ahead of us. I have roughly three months to get my ducks in a row before we toss ourselves into a whole new world. I am bracing for the culture shock of returning to the states, which I personally think will be much harder than the "culture shock" of coming to a new country. I am stoked that I will have one of my best friends awaiting my arrival at our new duty station. I am actually quite ready to see her since it wasn't so long ago that I had been dropping her off at the airport and crying my bloody eyes out like I was losing her for good. Looking back, I remember that feeling as if it had just happened yesterday. And now, it will be me and my family driven to the airport by one of my nearest and dearest friends, and it will be me walking away to get on a plane... and I wonder how many times in my life my heart will have to endure saying goodbye to my closest friends, my battle buddies... my confidants.... The thing I am grateful for, and the thought that keeps me from bursting into tears on a daily basis, is the knowledge that these are friends that will forever be in my life and it isn't goodbye, it is merely "see ya later" and they will always be there for me, just like they have been there for all the many ups and downs during my short time in this country that means so much to me.

I am looking forward to vacation home, I am anxioulsy awaiting the leave time with my husband who has spent 90% of his last three and some years with his navy family and a mere 10% of it with us. I am reveling in the thought that for the next three or so years after arriving back in the states, Jonathan and I will live a semi normal life with decent work hours, nightly dinners, movie nites, weekends to kick around if that is what tickles us, or exploring the wonderful historical lands we will be living in.... learning a new religion that has lighted a fire within me and that I think may finally be what my soul has been searching for, teaching michi how to ride her big girl bike TOGETHER, taking kenna to sports practice (since she has decided she wants to throw herself into everything possible) switching off on helping with homework, for once jon will be there for first days of school, birthdays, holidays and anniversaries <3 first steps, first teeth, first everythings he has missed with so far... he will be able to partake in all the joys that have made me realize how truly blessed I am and how wonderful my life is... I am one of the lucky ones... and I simply could not ask for more.

As I look to the future... I am not sure what it will bring, and it scares the pee outta me... but as long as I have my family and my friends, I say bring it on!!!! here is to the past, for teaching me that there are things greater in this life than me and my ego, to the present for treating me so kindly and to the future, may it be a long, happy road that I am able to travel with my soul mate, my children and my beloved friends and extended family. blessed be!!!